Strengthening Your Resilience: The Impact of Mental Health Coaching
What is resilience?
Wave Coach Megan Murk describes resilience as “how you handle intense emotions and regulate your emotional state to meet the moment you’re in.” If this sounds like a core life skill, it is! At Wave, we believe so deeply in the power of resilience that it’s one of the 6 pillars that makes up our model.
The window of tolerance model can be a helpful way to think about resilience. When you’re within your “window,” you’re able to handle what comes your way. You can think clearly, breathe deeply, and solve problems. You’re either comfortable, or you’re able to successfully navigate any discomfort you might be feeling.
When you’re outside of your window of tolerance, you’re either hyperaroused or hypoaroused. On the hyperarousal side, you’re overwhelmed and overstimulated. You might be feeling anxiety or panic. You might even experience a racing heart, sweating, or supercharged muscles. When you’re hypoaroused, you’re on the opposite side of the window: You might be feeling numb, tired, or unfocused. It might be hard to do the things you need to do. You may feel fatigue and heaviness.
Resilience is your ability to move from hyperarousal or hypoarousal back into your window of tolerance. Resilience is something you can practice — and your Wave Coach is here to help.
How does coaching help build resilience?
When we asked Wave Coach Megan Murk how she talks to her coaching clients about resilience, she shared, “Being told you’re resilient can feel like a backhanded compliment. You might be like ‘I didn’t choose to go through hard things.’ But I think about resilience more in terms of how you respond to experiences. It’s not about avoiding the storm; it’s learning how to ride the waves.” Wave Coaches help their clients learn specific strategies to handle intense moments that come their way so they can spend more time within their window of tolerance even when things are tough.
Here are a few key resilience-building skills Wave Coaches share with their clients:
Building awareness. The first step is to notice where you are in the window of tolerance at any given moment. Are you hyperaroused (overwhelmed, anxious, stressed)? Hypoaroused (lethargic, numb, unfocused)? Are you within your window of tolerance, meaning that you’re either comfortable or able to successfully ride the waves of discomfort? It takes practice to know where you are and what those states look and feel like for you.
Coping skills. If you’re in a state of hyperarousal, Wave Coaches often recommend coping techniques to get through intense emotional times. Megan Murk teaches her clients the “TIPP” skills, in which people use temperature, exercise, paced breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation to get back into their window of tolerance. (An example would be doing intense jumping jacks after a stressful work call.)
Boosting your energy. If you’re feeling down, it can be helpful to have go-to strategies to pick up your energy (even when you really don’t feel like it). Going for a short walk, moving your body, getting a change of scenery, and listening to upbeat music are small ways you might be able to move from a state of hypoarousal toward your window of tolerance.
Healthy routines. Nutrition, exercise, and restful sleep can all make a huge difference when it comes to being able to handle what comes our way. Wave Coaches are experts in helping you build the daily routines you need to thrive.
What does resilience look like for Wave clients?
Lisa* was dreading packing for her cross-country move. She had movers booked and a date that she had to be out, but every time she thought about packing she felt completely overwhelmed. She would get anxious and tense and ultimately kept deciding to put it off. Lisa’s Wave Coach helped her realize she was outside of her window of tolerance when it came to preparing for her move, and that she could use specific practices to help her pack. She ended up deciding to use temperature to help her come down from hyperarousal, taking a cold shower before short bursts of packing each day.
Moriah* was feeling unmotivated and stuck. Her inner critic was loud. Her Wave coach introduced the idea of “behavioral experiments,” where she could try different skills and observe whether or not they worked. When they realized together that Moriah’s worst energy lulls happened in the afternoon, her coach suggested a routine of getting out of the house for 10-15 minutes every afternoon around 1pm for a week, just to see if it made a difference. (As simple as it sounds, it really did.)
Jared* had always taken care of his parents and siblings. Even when he was a kid, he was the responsible one. Everyone always told him “you’re so resilient!” or “you’re so mature for your age!” That bothered him, because he really never had a choice. When he talked more about it with his coach, he realized that his role in the family was really weighing on him. He was having trouble sleeping and taking deep breaths. He and his Wave Coach worked together on creating healthy boundaries with his family and also practiced some coping skills together (mostly paced breathing techniques) to help him feel more in control.
*Names and exact details changed to protect our clients’ identities.
Building resilience means taking better care of yourself. We all have hard days, weeks, and months — unfortunately, that’s out of our control. But we can grow and change our response to stress. With resilience-building, you’re practicing skills that can have ripple effects in all areas of your life. It’s empowering to know that when times are hard, you’ve got options.
Experience the power of building resilience with Wave — download the Wave app and schedule your first coaching session today.